March 2016 – The Turning Points of Life

The Sermon to Sleep Through

In my youth, I suffered as most from an intense fear of speaking in front of a group of people. The worst week of the year was the second week of December when our Sunday school had a Christmas program on the second Sunday evening. The program consisted of each of the Sunday school children reciting a poem from memory in front of the 300 church members. I spent the week before the program in agonizing fear and trepidation.

In elementary school I had to orally present book reports in front of the class. Those experiences were also very traumatic for me.

These fears created in me a deep respect for my teachers and the ministers in church because they had overcome that fear which I believed they also had to battle. For them it was a battle they had won and I had yet to master. In my youth, I could not yet imagine being successful in that battle.

My Church in Clifton, NJ

One Sunday evening when I was in my early teens, I attended a church service with my parents and younger brother. We arrived at church and my father parked our car in the church parking lot that was located in the back of the church.

Just as we arrived, the minister who was to conduct the service was just exiting his car. He walked toward the church and on the way greeted four men who were standing at the end of the parking lot. They were about the same age as my father. The minister was about twenty feet ahead of me on his way to the entry of the rectory.

As I passed by the four men I overheard one of them say to the others, “Well, I guess we can sleep though this one.”

These words pierced me deeply. It hurt me because I had such great respect for this minister. He was able to do what I never dreamed I would ever be able to do; speak in front of a large group. These men seemed to only judge the quality of his delivery and its content, but disregarded his courageous efforts to overcome the fear of speaking to a crowd.

I entered the church as never before. My mind was set on a personal mission. I was going to get so much out of the service that it would make whatever sacrifice the minister made that evening to serve the congregation worthwhile .

I marched into church, passed the offering box and emptied my pocket with all the money I had. It was probably seventy five cents, fifty cents more than my usual offering. Then I made straight for my seat next to my cousin just behind the choir.

Seated, I bowed my head prayed like never before. I pleaded sincerely with God to help me extract from the service so much as to make the efforts of the minister worthwhile, even if no one else in the whole congregation got anything from the service.

The service soon commenced and the minister began the sermon. The more it progressed the more disappointed I became. The minister, an immigrant from Europe, had a mild accent, spoke in a monotone and used a rather limited vocabulary. On top of that his grammar left much to be desired. But what troubled me was that he never seemed to complete a thought. One by one he would raise a thoughtful statement and suddenly drop it and go on to another. I couldn’t get anything that I could reasonably say made sense of any of it.

Anger seethed in me. After all I did that I thought would ensure a positive outcome, offering all I had, praying sincerely, I now had to face failing the minister. Worse was the sense that I was seemingly justifying the attitude of those four men.

When the service was over, I was filled with deep disappointment, anger and betrayal. I immediately left the church. I ran to the parking lot and got into the back seat of our car.

When my brother and parents entered the car soon after I did. My mother knew something was wrong. I politely repelled her inquiry as to what was wrong. When we returned home, I went right to bed, skipping dinner with the family.

In bed I railed against God, rebuking Him for failing my humble, sincere and noble request. I was so sure that what I attempted to do was so right. Why did my God not respond? After some time of ranting silently in my prayer of frustration, I lay there in silence and calm, exhausted by the experience.

In the silence, I suddenly heard again the first of the many “thoughts” raised in the sermon but dropped by the minister. This time, however, the thought continued to evolve through to its completion. I lay there in awe as I processed the amazing result. As soon as I realized this explanation and a new understanding entered my soul, the next thought from the sermon came to mind.

Just as with the first, this next thought continued on to a revealing conclusion. The revelation of these developed thoughts from the sermon profoundly touched my soul. I prayed a prayer of thanksgiving, but did not yet realize what a turning point this would prove to be for me.

The next day, and for some days thereafter, as I walked to school another of the sermon’s thoughts arose in my mind. Just as they did that Sunday night in my bed, they continued through to a glorious conclusion.

It took some time for me to realize what I had learned by this experience and to fully appreciate the turning point that it was for me and my future life experiences.

Turning Point

As the years unfolded, I discovered the turning point that this experience was and the treasure it became for my life. These are some of the treasures that came out of this turning point:
• When I attended service from this point on, I was able to gain great value even when the quality of the delivery by a minister was not perfect. I learned that my work with God and His Spirit came not only during but after the sermon in the time I gave Him to guide and inspire my thoughts.
• When I attended college, there was no church of my denomination within reasonable distance for me to attend. Visiting the local churches in the small college town, though interesting, did not fulfill my spiritual hunger. Equipped with the knowledge and understanding afforded by this experience, I was able to gain spiritual sustenance from transcripts of divine services in our church that were sent to me. I would spend hours on Sunday mornings studying those transcripts, a fact that surprised even me. However, through the preparation provided from my turning point, I gained understanding, confidence and strength in my pursuit of spiritual maturity.
• Years later when I was a minister, I was able to use this experience relating it to a family who had trouble accepting a particular minister who served them in their congregation. It proved to provide them a different perspective that helped them maintain their spiritual compass. (After that evening, I realized that I had never forgiven those four men for their attitude. I understood that God had used their weakness to bless me with a life lesson that required their participation. I sat in my car that night and prayed, seeking their forgiveness as they were all deceased by that time)
• Some years later, the highest minister in our church was quoted as saying, “No divine service is a matter of course; each is extraordinary.” In light of my turning point experience I realized there are three parts to the sermon, God’s input as creator, the minister’s input as the conveyor, and my “input” as the listener. God’s part is always extraordinary and perfect. The minister’s not always extraordinary or perfect. But I have the opportunity to make mine extraordinary if I am willing to seek and give the Holy Spirit time to guide me and reveal even what wasn’t said in the sermon.

A Father’s Advice – Getting Known

My son Randy wanted to make his career in veterinary medicine. It was not surprising to his mother and me as he loved animals from his early childhood. Randy was in high school when we suggested that he work at a local veterinary clinic. Randy searched around our neighborhood and found one particular veterinary clinic appealing. He inquired regarding employment and was told that they only take volunteers as interns without pay.

Randy told us that night at the dinner table that he didn’t think it would work at the clinic because they didn’t pay. Carol quickly offered to pay Randy minimum wage for every hour he volunteered. That sounded good so Randy applied and was accepted as a volunteer. To our surprise, after a few weeks he was hired at the clinic because of the intense interest he showed in the practice.

Following graduation from Mira Mesa High School, Randy attended Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo where he worked to earn a B.S. degree specializing in Pre-Vet Animal Science. However, after graduation he was unable to gain acceptance into the UC Davis veterinary program. His plan now had to change and find a new direction.

Randy found an opportunity to fulfill his passion for working with animals in an unexpected form, pharmaceutical cancer research. He accepted a position at a small pharmaceutical research firm in Menlo Park, California – Sequus Pharmaceuticals, Inc.

In June 1995, Randy was leaving home to begin his professional career at Sequus; I wanted to give him some fatherly advice. My purpose was to give him encouragement, confidence and successful thinking. History and experience told me that there were some very crucial things to understand starting out in the business world with hope to be successful. Most of these were learned by my own retroactive deliberations on what happened in my career in the business world.

Sequus Pharmaceuticals, Inc. Menlo Park, CA

I said to Randy, “Build an impeccable reputation because that is what people with think and speak of you when you are not around.”

I wanted Randy to realize that reputation was crucial. Reputation was what people thought of you as true: your character, your integrity, your honesty and your loyalty. Reputation was what others would think of you when you are not around. I wanted my son to be very much aware of this truth because it was under his control; it was in his hands to create it. Absolutely essential was purposeful building the truth. Any deception eventually would be revealed.

I told Randy, “Son, you need to find a way to let everyone in the company from the janitor to the CEO know what you are doing to contribute to the success of the company.”

I wanted him to realize that he must be known by the key leaders in the company. They needed to know him. Not just his name, but what he was contributing to the company and its future success. And they needed to know the details, not some “broad brush” understanding, but an in-depth, “nitty gritty”, fine point awareness of his talent and skill and the application thereof to the mission of the organization.

Finally I told him, “I have purchased shares of stock in the company where you will be working. I know you will make a difference in its success!”

I wanted my son to know I was fully confident in his success and that of the team with whom he was soon to be an integral and contributing part. I made an investment in the company and thereby an investment in him.

These fatherly words of advice resulted in some interesting decisions by Randy. Upon completion of the orientation activities on day one, Randy was provided with a computer and an office. He was assigned an e-mail address and a company roster with e-mail addresses.

He immediately set forth putting a plan into motion. Randy began e-mailing everyone in the company a letter of introduction he had penned expressing his delight in working for the company. At the end of the letter, he inquired as to their favorite leisure time activities and what they liked to do with their families. He received a very high percentage of responses from the staff. Upon review, Randy noticed that two things “stuck out”; picnics and volleyball.

Flood Park – Menlo Park, CA

Randy set out investigating the local area and found a park near the office that also had a number of volleyball courts. Over the next days, Randy planned out an “un-official” company family picnic featuring a volleyball venue and potluck lunch at Flood Park. He then made a reservation at the park for a Saturday a few weeks in the future. Randy invited all the company staff and their families to attend the Saturday program.

Volley Ball Court at Flood Park

It was a great success with a very high percentage turnout. The company CEO was so impressed with the high turnout he inquired of Randy’s boss, “I have been trying unsuccessfully to get something like this to work for our company. Who pulled this off?”

She replied, “Our new hire, Randy. Would you like to meet him?”

During the subsequent conversation, the CEO asked Randy to assist with planning and organizing the company’s annual winter dinner party.

Sequus Laboratory Facility

Randy at work in the lab.

The stock in the company rose considerably until the company was sold. I made a substantial profit in my IRA account with my investment in the company, but more importantly, Randy put into practice the principles of business I had shared with him and he reaped his own rewards. Constantly open to learning from his experience propelled Randy to a successful career.

It is interesting to note that while investigating Stanford University’s renowned and highly rated MBA program, I discovered they require a substantial essay from three high level executives of the company where a candidate is employed. The essay must describe in fine detail the work the candidate is performing for the company. The requirement necessitates the executive to be intimately aware of the candidate’s work. This was for me a confirmation of the validity of my counsel to Randy to become known to the staff at the firm.

Randy’s career in cancer and influenza research continued to develop as he contributed at a number of research companies in both technical and social arenas. Ultimately he was part of teams that gained national recognition in their field of expertise.

Some Lessons to consider:

• It is critical to have a plan and purpose at the very onset of employment in a chosen career. From day one you will be fashioning your reputation. It will be in your hands and the product of your performance over time. Your consistent behavior, conduct, decisions, etc. will create in the minds and hearts of those around you, the person that you are.
• It is important that the decision makers, the executives, know who you are and what you are doing. They need to know details. Your excellence will attract their attention and interest in you and your career. Their power will help promote you to get what you deserve and have earned.
• A well devised plan, executed with skill and determination, will eventually open the door to your success. Resourcefulness and creativity are assets that are important to develop.
• A good reputation is essential to any career. It is an unwritten resume that has a way of following one around. Once created, it is very difficult to change. A good reputation that speaks to one’s integrity and admirable character becomes an invaluable asset along life’s journey.

Turning Points

This experience taught me the value a parent can be to their children through wise counsel and sincere encouragement. Acknowledging your child’s doing the right things and offering sincere and detailed praise can make the difference between success and failure.

Following up on offered counsel and encouragement with prayerful intersession must not be under estimated.

The Rainbow

My wife and I were vacationing on the garden island of Kauai, the oldest island in the Hawaiian chain. During one of our excursions around the island we came to a famous waterfall site. Standing along the outlook area, we witnessed a truly awesome and unusually vivid rainbow created by the huge mist cloud over the falls. Carol and I marveled at the sight. We couldn’t contain our feelings and openly remarked of its great beauty to each other. The other visitors at the site agreed with our assessment.

After a few minutes, an elderly couple arrived on the scene and stood in ear shot of us. The woman standing closer to the falls than her husband gazed at the sight. Her husband lingered seemingly disinterested a few feet away. His position did not afford a very clear view of the falls. The woman, clearly seeing what the rest of us had, was obviously overwhelmed at the vivid rainbow. She exclaimed so all could hear, “WOW, honey, just look at that rainbow!”

Her husband, standing at distance away from her retorted, “What rainbow! There’s no rainbow! You’re seeing things again!”

The woman persisted, but her husband remained adamant as the interchange between them became rather heated.

I walked over to the couple and as I approached, their argument became muted. The woman was obviously embarrassed. It dawned on her that others had heard the heated conversation.

I addressed the husband: “Hello! Are you enjoying these beautiful sights? Isn’t this one amazing waterfall?”

He replied hesitatingly, “Well, I’ve seen bigger ones!”

I invited him to step closer to where his wife was standing so as to get a little better view. To entice him I pointed out something on the ground just adjacent to his wife. He walked with some reluctance to where I was pointing, looked down and said to me, “What? Is this some kind of joke? There’s nothing here.”

Then he looked up and saw the rainbow. Now at the same vantage point as his wife he suddenly exclaimed:”WOW! Honey, you are right! There is a fabulous rainbow!”

Turning Point

Sometimes we only need to move a few feet to see what others are seeing and experienced a turning point. All too often, we refuse to budge from our position and remain in ignorance of what is really around us. Our position depends on our disposition. The implication in view of the rainbow is “change your position” and SEE

Faith in a Nutshell

One of my friends at church was collaborating with ministers from other congregations in our area, exploring how someone can impact another person spiritually when they only have a brief moment to convey some powerful aspect of their faith. The purpose was to discover a way to equip the church family with a simple phrase that encompassed the essence of their faith in a positive non-offensive manner. The phrase or sentence needed to be very personal so that its delivery was natural, the profession convincing and hopefully inspiring further inquiry.

For want of a better term, I considered their idea in the common phrase to describe something great in as few words as possible, i.e. “in a nutshell”.

When the notion of a brief phrase was expressed to me I saw it as a challenge. I was not known for brevity in expressing deep spiritual concepts. Being trained to think like an engineer, I was detail oriented in thought and hence in expression. So “in a nutshell” was a real challenge for me.

As I considered what my faith meant to me I revisited my faith based experiences. In retroactive self-discovery, I uncovered a myriad of experiences that shaped my life. These were the turning points that changed me forever.

As an example, I recalled a moment when someone, while conversing with me about spirituality, asked me this question: “In a few words, what is the first thing that comes to your mind that benefited you by going to your church?”

Immediately I said, “I learned to revere and respect my elders.”

Asked to elaborate, I said, “As a little boy, my mother taught me to go to the front row of pews immediately when a church service was ended and greet all the elderly ladies that sat in the front row. Some of these elderly ladies were widows, and some were my relatives. In fact, one was my one and only surviving grandmother, my Oma, and another was my aunt Frieda.”

Allan

Oma

Aunt Frieda

In retrospect, I firmly believe and am convinced that this simple teaching gave me a sense of respect for my elders. This aspect of my character served me very well throughout my life. The elders who guided, coached and mentored me blessed me in uncountable ways.

Faced with the self imposed challenge of reducing the many benefits my faith afforded me over my lifetime, I set out to boil them down to as few words as possible. Numerous iterations were created and discarded for various reasons. I wanted my “nutshell” to be profound without being intimidating. I needed it to convey a powerful benefit that would inspire further investigation. I wanted it to be unique and not some typical tired old standard Christian cliché.

After working and praying over the many thoughts and notions that crossed my mind, I came up with the following as my expression of what my faith means to me in just a few words:
“My church environment has opened profound experiences with God, positively changing and enhancing my life. The resulting personal growth is my treasure and it can be for you too!”

Every entry into my church brings new understanding and new revelations. It is such that causes me to enter God’s sanctuary every chance I get.

There is a fascinating story in the Psalms that testifies to what I have found in attending church services. It is the 73rd Psalm and it tells the story of a man named Asaph.

Asaph was troubled by the fact that so many of his contemporaries were deceitful and downright evil, yet to him they seemed to prosper more than he. He became frustrated while doing his best to fulfill the laws of God and yet seemed to be unsuccessful. This weighed heavy on his soul as he lamented his case before God.

Then he had his turning point.

He confessed his misery saying, “When I tried to understand this, it was too painful for me”.

But then came the point of turning as he said, “Until I went into the Sanctuary of God; then I understood. . . .”

I can’t count the number of times I entered the sanctuary of God with the same feelings as Asaph, and left the house of God with that same sense, now I understand. With understanding came strength, comfort and peace; spiritual stamina to stay the course.

Turning Points

A simple exercise focused on an important aspect of our life can transform our awareness of aspects previously buried and out of sight and mind. Such awareness allows one to make wise decisions that will impact the future.

Reliving our life experiences has the effect of seeing our own “big picture” and making us a more grateful person. Grateful souls seem to have a blessed peace about them.

Seeing the value of the encounters we can have in the sanctuary of God brings us there time and again even when faced with various forms of resistance. Turning point moments are experienced there more than we might expect.

FRIENDS

Years ago I found myself dissatisfied with what seemed to me a lack of deeper understanding of the meaning of words we use every day in our conversation. This meant missing out on fully appreciating what we say and what we hear, underestimating meaning and losing something valuable.

One of those words was “appreciation” and I delved into it studying its fuller meaning and how it impacted me. (See my Post “Appreciation” June 2015) In that process, I gained an understanding that spread across many aspects of life.

Another one of those interesting words is “friend”. I remember mentioning to someone that they were my friend and their retort was, “You mean I am just a friend?”

What struck me was that this person did not appreciate what it meant to be considered a friend. To their understanding, a friend was something less than what I believed and understood a friend to be. I began my investigation.

I started with the dictionary and uncovered this:
Friend = one attached to another by feelings of personal regard; a well-wisher, patron or supporter; one who is on good terms with another.

A good start be still not very satisfying I went to the Bible to get a better sense of what more could be attributed to the meaning of “friend”.

In a statement by Jesus I found something quite interesting. In the Gospel of John, I read,
John 15:13-15 New King James Version (NKJV)
13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.

When Jesus made a special note to teach His disciples a meaning for being His friends, I realized that to Jesus a friend was quite special. Special to me was that He saw one as willing to give his very life for a friend! That really touched me. The very ultimate sacrifice was worthy of a friend. Jesus went further to classify those who loved and followed Him as His friends, in other words, those who He was willing to die for! He didn’t stop there when He went so far as to give them every gift from His Father that He had received.

I decided I would go even further in my study to see if there was more to be learned. It was then that I came upon a passage from the seldom read books of what is called the Apocrypha. There I found a very encompassing meaning for “friend” from what is often attributed to Solomon.

Faithful Friends are secure shelters & strong defenses;
Who finds such has found excellent treasures.
Faithful Friends are beyond price;
Their Excellency & worth more than money can buy.
Faithful Friends are elixirs, medicines for life;
Those who love & fear the Lord our God find them.
[Liberally translated/paraphrased from Ecclesiasticus 6:14-16]

When I read the phrases: “excellent treasures”, “beyond price”, “worth more than money can buy”, and “elixirs, medicines for life” I finally found satisfaction that I had embraced and understood what a true friend really meant. I also noted that in this passage, “friends” were described as “faithful” indicating that the notion of “friend” can be compromised by the evil one to create doubt and unbelief. Faithful Friends are true friends, not those who attempt to use the friendship for ulterior motives.

Turning Point

A turning point is often inspired by a sense of dissatisfaction with something we experience and one is prompted to dig beyond the obvious and search for value. It is in this search that treasures are discovered and obtained, seeming little things that become big influences on who we become. It fascinates me how such little moments guided by the Holy Spirit build in us treasures of great value.

Make-A-Wish and the Hands of God

My very dear friend Dawn’s teenage daughter Zoey was in her 22nd week battling for her life against the ravages of leukemia. The battle was intense with significant complications that accompanied the disease. Zoey was in a local hospital with seemingly endless new issues cropping up that made her condition very tentative. The struggle with the side effects of heavy and potent medications added to the pain of the numerous complications that attacked different organs and parts of her body. Zoey was such a trooper that the story of her battle reached far and wide across the globe. Greetings of hope and encouragement flowed in from everywhere. Make-A-Wish foundation, an organization that seeks to bring joy to children facing daunting and life threatening diseases and injuries, was appraised of Zoey’s battle. Zoey was asked what her wish would be.

Zoey was an avid fan of a popular TV serial program. The story was about the challenges of the survivors of a plane crash on a seemingly deserted island. Zoey was enamored with one of the actors on the program. Her wish was to have a tea party with the actor she enjoyed.

Make-a-Wish went to work contacting the actor’s agents to see if a meeting could be arranged. After some weeks of effort, his agents notified Make-A-Wish in response to their inquiry for Zoey. He was going to send a limousine to San Diego and bring Zoey and her parents to Los Angeles. Hotel arrangements were to be made and a program that included theme parks and a tea party was planned.
Dawn was contacted and told of this plan. She consulted with the doctors regarding the plan for Zoey’s Make-A-Wish trip to Los Angeles, but was given a devastating blow. The doctors said that Zoey’s condition at the time would not support such a trip; in fact, they were convinced it would be seriously detrimental to the treatment program. Zoey’s mother was facing a real dilemma. Obviously, her first consideration was to keep her daughter on a track for the best chance for recovery. But the cost, depriving Zoey of her wish was understandably troubling.

Dawn sent me a message explaining her concerns, hoping for some guidance to help her make the right decision.

My mind went back to the recent experience I had with my marine helicopter pilot. (See “The Volunteer” post October 2015) I explained to Dawn what I learned about facing such critical decisions. The best solution when decisions seem to be beyond us is to pray and put the decision into God’s hands. Then make the best decision you feel in our heart after your prayer. If it is the right decision God will support it. If it’s the wrong decision He will change things to insure you are blessed.

Dawn followed this guidance, prayed and placed it all in the hand of God. Then she made her decision. She called Make-A-Wish and advised them of Zoey’s condition. She explained the warning of the doctors and said that regretfully Zoey could not accept the generous offer from the actor. She asked them to kindly explain this to his agents and expressed her and Zoey’s sincere thanks and appreciation.

Just a few days later, Make-A-Wish contacted Zoey’s mother, explaining that they explained the situation to the actor’s agents. But the actor asked that since she could not come to Los Angeles, can he come to San Diego. When there was a positive response to his inquiry he decided that he would come to Zoey and spend some time with her at a local tea house. Dawn was thrilled and grateful. Just as we had discussed, by placing the decision in the hand of God, He changed things by touching the heart of the actor to go out of his way to fulfill the wish of a young girl battling for her life.

Shortly thereafter the actor came to San Diego and spent the afternoon with Zoey. They spoke of their love of the TV show and the intricacies of the story and plot.

The Tea House where the Make-A-Wish was realized

Afterward he remained in touch with Zoey through e-mails. The connection between them provided Zoey with a certain measure of joy as she continued her battle with the relenting disease.

Dawn shared with me the events as they unfolded. I reflected on the critical turning point that played such an important part of this experience. How God prepared me by the previous experience I had with my Marine friend moved my soul. He equipped me with the right solution for Dawn when she sought guidance. Without the deeply memorable lesson God provided me that moment months before, I would not have had the right word at just the right time. Dawn’s faith in God and His word brought about a lesson for all of us.

Turning Point

The turning point lessons God inserts into our life are never meant as a onetime blessing. God’s plan has the character of multiplying the understanding gained from turning point moments over time. I once noted to a dear friend and my spiritual mentor that he taught me to effectively commune with the Holy Spirit. When I practiced exercising a listening heart, the Spirit inspired thoughts that proved to be a blessing for me and those I had the opportunity to serve. I told him that I often received much more from my moments with the Holy Spirit than I expected. My friend wisely advised me to see myself as a well, filled by the Spirit when I was open to Him and empty of my own ideas. The concept he taught me was that the “well” would be drawn upon at just the right moment by the Spirit to make me a conduit of God’s blessing. A turning point of this story was the profound confirmation of my mentor’s wise council.

The Feather from Heaven

I travelled an extraordinary two year journey with Dawn and Zoey and their family that began when Zoey was diagnosed with leukemia. I was on vacation in New Jersey when Dawn called me to tell me of her teenage daughter’s diagnosis. The journey was one of constant prayers, conversations and faith building experiences. Those two years brought life changing experiences to all of us who were so intimately involved in Zoey’s courageous and often miraculous engagement with the complexities of her unique condition. The feather from heaven event happened at an intersection of a series of unexpected moments and turning point experiences. They continued to this day.

On August 7, 2012 Zoey passed on having courageously battled leukemia and a series of devastating complications that accompanied the disease.

On a beautiful sunny Friday morning in August shortly after Zoey’s passing, I joined her family at a cemetery for the internment of their beloved teenage daughter. I was asked to perform the graveside funeral service. During the moments just prior to the service, Zoey’s mother confided in me and shared her experience of earlier that morning.

When Zoey was still a healthy teenager, mother and daughter would walk in the mornings into their garden. Dawn led the way swiping away the spider webs that had been spun overnight along the path. Zoey was an animal lover, but spiders were the lone members of her list of bugs that she detested. Zoey loved feathers. They were simply special to her so she collected them. On this special morning when Zoey was to be laid to rest, Dawn decided to take the morning walk alone through the garden. As she swiped the webs out of her path, deep feeling for her Zoey filled her heart. Then, when she reached the end of the garden, a beautiful feather drifted down from out of nowhere. Dawn stopped and reached out for the feather. She felt as though it was a feather from heaven, Zoey saying to her, “Mother, I am all right! I love you!”

The graveside funeral service touched on the feather message from heaven and all of gathered there found a measure of comfort and peace.

At the time I was a volunteer for the Garden of Innocence, an organization dedicated to the dignified burial of abandoned babies. (Ref: www.gardenofinnocence.org and “The Garden of Innocence – God’s Plan for Me” Post of September 2015)

At one point during the Garden of Innocence services, the babies were honored as a new arrival to the Garden. This was done with the release of a white dove for the new baby and then three doves released one each for the three persons of the Trinity. After these doves were released, volunteers read the names of all the other babies previously honored in the Garden. Finally two large baskets full of white doves were opened and the air was filled with the din of flapping wings as the large group of beautiful white birds took to the air in flight.

On Saturday morning August 10th, with the experience of the previous day with Zoey on our minds, Carol and I went to the Garden of Innocence funeral service for Baby George. My part in the program of events was to lead the dove release ceremony.

The service began as usual with the Circle of Love. The Knights of Columbus in their full regalia marched up to the Garden carrying Baby George’s casket.

The casket was passed from one person to the next in a Circle of Love created by those attending the ceremony. Finally the casket was placed on a table and adorned with some flowers. Songs were offered up, a poem was read and a sermon rendered by a visiting minister. The casket was placed in the grave and rose petals were strewn into the grave by the assembled volunteers and visitors. The dove ceremony followed.

The dove ceremony was about to commence when Carol prayed and asked God if He would grant our dear Zoey to reach out to Baby George, take his hand and welcome him. She reluctantly asked too, if He agreed, to send some kind of message.

I took the microphone, introduced the dove program and said, “We now release a dove for Baby George.”

As the volunteer holding Baby George’s dove opened her hands, the dove took flight, flying around in an ever widening circle before rising up through the trees. Carol along with all those assembled watched the dove’s ascent. Suddenly, a large white feather fell from the dove and drifted earthward between the tree branches. Slowly the feather spiraled downward in a haphazard random path. The master of ceremonies was standing in the midst of the Garden and lifted her hand as if to catch it. Surprisingly, it found its way right into her outstretched hand.

Carol was astounded, as she saw this as Zoey’s message to say she was taking care of Baby George. She couldn’t contain her excitement. Before I could continue the ceremony she ran to tell me what had just transpired. She urged me to tell everyone the story. I agreed that this amazing story had to be told and right then and there.

I addressed the Garden Family and explained in detail how the big white feather that fell from Baby George’s dove had special significance. As I concluded, the master of ceremonies walked over to me and gave me the feather. She asked that I give it to Zoey’s mother in memory of Zoey’s volunteer work for the Garden’s babies.

Zoey

I continued the dove ceremony releasing doves for the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The volunteers read the names of the 125 children already in the Garden. When the last name was read the rest of the doves were released.

The Doves Released for All the Babies in the Garden of Innocence

When the ceremony concluded, people came to me, many with tears, thanking me for sharing the awesome experience we had in the Garden that day. Then Joe, the man who provided the doves, came to me and said that it was the first time he saw a dove lose such a large feather at the Garden. Many of the volunteers who had witnessed previous funerals at the Garden reiterated Joe’s comment that such a feather display had never been seen before.

When I arrived home I immediately called Zoey’s mother and related the extraordinary events that transpired that morning in the Garden of Innocence with her daughter. I explained that I had the feather for her as a keepsake of the wonderful message from heaven from Zoey.

Throughout the rest of that day, I marveled at what lengths God had gone to give us such a profound experience. I was thrilled to have added to Dawn a measure of comfort in the wake of the loss of her daughter.

TURNING POINT:

Sometimes God decides that a miracle is in order to teach us some important message with profound consequences for our future. At the moment we experience the miracle, or an unusually strange series of events that challenge our understanding, we wonder what its purpose is and what we are to take from it. Over time, experience reveals its purpose and understanding is made complete.

The Car Challenge – A Fishing Solution

Randy got the fishing bug when he caught his first fish in the surf at the beach in Rosarita Mexico in August 1976. He was only two years old. (See “The Mexico Connection – The First Fish Turning Point, September 2015 blog post). Fishing became Randy’s passion and he seized every opportunity to go fishing.

The day after he finished middle school in June 1986, Randy went fishing with his friend Michael at Miramar Lake a few miles from our home in Mira Mesa. He was approaching thirteen years old. Later that afternoon I drove my pickup truck to the lake to pick up the boys and hear their fish stories and see the evidence of their tales.

On the way I was thinking that the dream of every young boy was to get a car or truck. When the driving age approaches, the prospect of having a car intensifies, often monopolizing every thoughtful moment. Anticipating this would soon be coursing through my son’s mind, I decided I needed to make something very clear to him. For some unknown reason I seized this time as the opportune moment to talk with him on the subject.

I rounded up the boys and their catch of cat fish and loaded their equipment into the back of the truck. We headed for home and when we came up to a red light, I initiated my planned conversation with Randy.

I said, “Randy, when you are seventeen you will want to drive. And once you have a taste of driving, you will want to have your own vehicle. I am telling you right now, I will never buy you a car. Even if I were rich, even if by then I am a millionaire, I will not buy you a car. So you need to think ahead and figure out how you are going to get the money to buy your own car.”

The next day Randy asked me if on Monday I would take him deep sea fishing like we often did during the summer months. I told him I had a big project at work and couldn’t take off until later in the month. Since I wouldn’t let him go alone he asked if I would let him and his friend Michael go on the three-quarter-day sport fishing boat. I explained that only if Michael’s mother gave her permission would I agree. The boys ran to Michael’s home to get his mother’s permission. Once that was obtained, I acquiesced and agreed to take them Monday morning to the sport fishing landing in Point Loma. Carol planned to pick the boys up later that afternoon.

Now the wheels were set in motion and Randy and Mike went to work getting their fishing gear prepared for the early morning departure. The boys checked the fishing report in the newspaper sports section and began dreaming of the fish they were going to catch. Neither of them slept much during the night as their excitement was piqued.

Monday morning dawned and I helped the boys pack their gear into my pickup truck. At 5:30 Monday morning we left for the Point Loma sportfishing landing in San Diego. We arrived at six o’clock and parked at the marina. I checked in at the office and I bought their $16 tickets for the La Jollan, a boat that would return in the late afternoon. I gave the boys some cash for lunch and snacks and walked them down the dock to the boat. With a few words of encouragement I admonished them to behave and have fun. I also reminded them that Randy’s mom volunteered to pick them up when the boat returned at about 3:30 in the afternoon.

The La Jollan at the dock

The boys had an exciting and prosperous day, the details of which I would discover later that evening. Carol arrived and found the boys and their gear along with a hefty catch of fish. They lugged all their gear and sacks of fish up the dock to the parking lot. Once it was packed into the trunk of the car they headed home.

At home, Randy and Mike got to work filleting their catch. Normally, when Randy and I would go ocean fishing, we would catch mackerel, a prolific fish with an oily flesh. Since we were not fond of eating mackerel we normally threw them back or gave them to another fisherman. This day, however, Randy kept every mackerel he caught. He filleted every one and put a couple fillets into individual plastic zip-lock bags. When he was done, he got cleaned up and went around the neighborhood with his bags of mackerel filets offering them for fifty cents each to the neighboring Filipino ladies. Before long they were all sold. The ladies told him they would buy from him again, but they preferred he sell the whole fish instead of filleted.

That evening at the dinner table, Randy shared his exciting day fishing with Carol and me.

Then he asked, “Dad, will you take me again tomorrow?”

I replied, “Randy, I do not mind taking you there, but you can’t expect me to pay $20 a day for your fishing and food every day this summer.”

Randy was ready for this and retorted, “Dad, I have the money. In fact I have $26, so I am covered!”

Curious, I inquired, “Randy, where did you get that kind of money?”

“Well Dad,” he replied, “you know that when we go fishing together, we always throw back the mackerel we catch. Well I saved all of the ones Mike and I caught and then filleted them when we got home. I put them in plastic bags and went to all the Filipino ladies in the neighborhood and sold them for 50 cents each. Now I have $26.”

I was quite impressed with his resourcefulness so I gladly supported his request. Not only did he go fishing on Tuesday, but Wednesday as well.

At the dinner table Wednesday evening, Randy asked me to call the Captain of the fishing boat. With some concern, I inquired as to the reason.

Randy said, “She wants me to work for her on the boat as a deckhand. Can I please? She said that all she needs is your approval.”

After dinner I called Gigi, the captain of the La Jollan, a 40 foot fishing boat that makes daily three-quarter-day runs to the kelp beds just off the San Diego coast. The kelp beds harbor a plethora of fish species most of which are fine eating.

As I spoke to Gigi and got all the details, I wondered why she wanted Randy to work for her, so I asked, “Why do you want my son to work for you?”

She replied, “Don’t you know what he did?”

I replied, “I know that he was on your boat these last three days and that he caught a lot of fish. But beyond that I know not what he did.”

“Well, “she said, “Let me tell you.”

Gigi explained that she took notice of Randy the very first day because he out-fished her regulars. Her regulars, she confided, were very good fishermen. She noticed too that he was courteous and respectful of the fishermen around him. Randy’s diligent care of his fishing gear was also something that created a positive impression. On the second day, she continued her vigil and was surprised when he quit fishing 15 minutes early. He cleaned up his gear and stowed it away. To her even greater surprise, Randy retrieved a bucket and nylon scrub broom and commenced to scrub down the boat! He had obviously watched the deckhands the first day and followed their lead.

Randy did the same thing the third day, Gigi explained, and she just had to get this remarkable boy on her team before the competition got him!

After discussing this with Carol and Randy, we decided to go forward and allow him to work on the boat. I called Gigi back and thrilled her with our decision.

Randy worked as a deckhand on the La Jollan until the boat retired from service in San Diego a few years later. He then was hired by another boat as his reputation apparently found its way to other boat captains at the marina.

Randy proudly displays a Calico Bass

The work of a deckhand is hard work, physically taxing, long hours and almost constant activity. Even though being a deckhand was hard work, Randy enjoyed his free time fishing. If his day off fell on a Saturday, he would entice me to join him for a day of fishing on the La Jollan.

Randy filleting fish aboard the La Jollan

One such occasion is noteworthy. We were fishing the south end of the kelp beds just south of Ballast Point. The captain alerted us that there was a large school of fish and we all got ready to drop our lines. It turned out to be a large “boil” of calico bass. Randy and I were both hauling in fish after fish.

In the midst of the catching frenzy, Randy, standing next to me said, “Dad, I’m sure glad you are keeping up with me!”

I said, “Why?”

Randy said, “Because I told everyone on the boat that you taught me all I know about fishing!”

Randy aboard the La Jollan with someone’s catch

On another occasion, Carol was picking Randy up after a day at work on the boat. She arrived about 15 minutes early and she noticed Randy doing the final clean up on the boat. When she approached, Randy asked her to stay off to the side as he didn’t want people to think that his “mother” had to pick him up.

So while she walked up the dock away from the boat, some fishermen came by and one of them asked Carol if Randy was her son.

She replied, “Yes, why do you ask?”

He said, “My friends and I were on that boat all day. Your son caught our attention by the diligent way he worked. We concluded that his father must own the boat.”

Carol assured them that his father didn’t own the boat, but thanked them for the great compliment.

A few years later, Randy was working on the Daily Double, a half-day boat that also worked the local kelp beds. Randy invited me to go fishing on the Daily Double one day when he was working. I agreed and went out on the Daily Double one Saturday morning.

I boarded the boat as the deckhands were busy with their tasks in preparation for leaving the dock and heading out to the bait barges. I wanted to stay out of the way so I climbed up to the upper deck. In the wheel house I found Fred, the Captain and introduced myself. Then he said something that really touched me.

Fred said, “As soon as we leave the dock, I want you to observe something. You will see the cook and all the deckhands, except Randy, come up to this deck, turn over a bucket, sit down and light up a smoke. Randy meanwhile will go around the main deck seeking out children and teaching them how to set their bait properly. Singlehandedly he’ll insure that every kid will have an extraordinary day fishing. During the day he’ll make sure everyone catches a fish. That’s your boy!”

Wow was I proud of my son.

Over the years, Captain Fred would share from time to time letters that he received from guests who fished on the Daily Double. These letters praised Fred and his crew for the way they treated the families and especially the kids. Some specifically named Randy, acknowledging how he took time with their children to make their fishing day an extraordinary one. One of them touched our hearts more than the others. A woman from Phoenix had promised her nephew to take him fishing after his dad had died. Her letter explained how Randy’s gracious attention to her nephew throughout the day of fishing made his day simply extraordinary. What a blessing for the young lad and his aunt.

The Daily Double off the San Diego coast

By the time Randy reached driving age, he had amassed well over $7,000 in savings from tips and income from his working days on the boats. He worked Saturdays and holidays during the school year and throughout the week during summers and school vacations.

When he turned 17, he used the funds he saved to buy a used Toyota pick-up truck. Another goal achieved through resourceful planning, execution of a wise plan and willingness to work hard. He treated that truck like a valued treasure and after a few years sold it at a nice profit. But that will be another story.

Randy’s Blue Toyota Pick-up

Randy continued working the fishing boats through his college days, building a group of lasting friendships and earning a stellar reputation for customer service and excellent fishing skills. Along the way he learned to love sushi and how to make it.

Ultimately, after he started his career in pharmaceutical cancer research, he used this experience and knowledge to serve as a part time sushi chef at a Japanese restaurant affording him extra cash and a venue for expanding his circle of friends and relationships.

TURNING POINT

Once again a challenge presented to Randy inspired him to turn his passion for fishing into a solution for achieving an important goal. His confidence that he could reach his goal was justified. He again, as with his pursuit of his first snake, was willing to make sacrifices to achieve a lofty goal. Because he earned the money to buy his truck, its value was enhanced and he subsequently treated with respect and eventually reaped the reward of its increased value.

Understanding the power parents have in issuing challenges to their children is a turning point that has great consequences.

The Ancient Art of Listening

In the early 1980’s I attended a seminar on the subject of communication. The opening moments turned out to be a significant turning point for me. The seminar facilitator began by asking all 500 participants a series of questions.

The first question: How many of you have taken a class or course in writing during your formal education? Virtually every hand was raised.

The next question: How many have taken a class or course in public speaking? About 80% raised their hands.

The final question: How many have taken a class or course in listening? Not a single hand was raised! Not one attendee admitted to taking a lesson or course in listening.

Listening is the critical component of successful communication, yet few, if any, have ever been professionally trained in this important area. Only until recently has listening become considered worthy of its own study.

I found that listening was so much more than hearing. It was a skill at processing what was heard and inspiring an appropriate thoughtful response.

My deliberations following the course caused a fine focused attention to listening skills and a purposeful effort to master mine. I looked into Holy Scripture and that revealed a biblical golden nugget for my pursuit.

I discovered that the following passage in The Message version of the Bible’s Old Testament provided fascinating perspectives on the subject of listening skills.

I highlighted what I deemed critical points to consider further and added some commentary.

1 Kings 3:4-10 The Message (MSG)
4-5 The king went to Gibeon, the most prestigious of the local shrines, to worship. He sacrificed a thousand Whole-Burnt-Offerings on that altar. That night, there in Gibeon, GOD appeared to Solomon in a dream: God said, “What can I give you? Ask.”

My thoughts at this point: We as human beings fantasize about a Genie who can offer us one or sometimes three wishes. It’s just a fantasy. There is no Genie. But God, the almighty, who can do anything, in all His power asks Solomon, “What can I give you? Ask.” What do I ask God for each morning?

6 Solomon said, “You were extravagantly generous in love with David my father, and he lived faithfully in your presence, his relationships were just and his heart right. And You have persisted in this great and generous love by giving him—and this very day!—a son to sit on his throne.
7-8 “And now here I am: GOD, my God, you have made me, your servant, ruler of the kingdom in place of David my father. I’m too young for this, a mere child! I don’t know the ropes; hardly know the ‘ins’ and ‘outs’ of this job. And here I am, set down in the middle of the people you’ve chosen, a great people—far too many to ever count.
9 “Here’s what I want: Give me a God-listening heart so I can lead your people well, discerning the difference between good and evil. For who on their own is capable of leading your glorious people?”
10-14 God, the Master, was delighted with Solomon’s response. And God said to him, “Because you have asked for this and haven’t grasped after a long life, or riches, or the doom of your enemies, but you have asked for the ability to lead and govern well, I’ll give you what you’ve asked for—I’m giving you a wise and mature heart. There’s never been one like you before; and there’ll be no one after. As a bonus, I’m giving you both the wealth and glory you didn’t ask for—there’s not a king anywhere who will come up to your mark. And if you stay on course, keeping your eye on the life-map and the God-signs as your father David did, I’ll also give you a long life.”

I found a deeper perspective from the King James Version of this text: A God-listening heart is a heart with skill to listen* to the whisper of the Holy Spirit, sent to guide me into the will of God for me and intent on making me a blessing for those who God hopes I will serve with His love. [*Note: The King James Version of the Bible has a note in the central reference column that offers a secondary interpretation of the phrase “discerning heart” as “a heart with skill to listen”.]

I learned from Solomon’s actions that if I wanted to delight the heart of God with my requests, I needed to humble myself and ask for a heart skilled in the art of listening.

Turning Point

This turning point experience inspired me to alter my prayers each day. Since then I begin each day much like Solomon, praying for a heart with skill to listen so even the whisper of the Holy Spirit could be heard. Especially at times when it was critical to hear the guidance of God, I pray this way during the day. Countless times since then, the guidance of God has brought extraordinary experiences into my life.

This turning point also prompted me to create a seminar on communication with a primary emphasis on the art of listening. I intend to offer this Communication Seminar in the future in an on-line setting.