allanmusterer@sbcglobal.net

The Rainbow

My wife and I were vacationing on the garden island of Kauai, the oldest island in the Hawaiian chain. During one of our excursions around the island we came to a famous waterfall site. Standing along the outlook area, we witnessed a truly awesome and unusually vivid rainbow created by the huge mist cloud over the falls. Carol and I marveled at the sight. We couldn’t contain our feelings and openly remarked of its great beauty to each other. The other visitors at the site agreed with our assessment.

After a few minutes, an elderly couple arrived on the scene and stood in ear shot of us. The woman standing closer to the falls than her husband gazed at the sight. Her husband lingered seemingly disinterested a few feet away. His position did not afford a very clear view of the falls. The woman, clearly seeing what the rest of us had, was obviously overwhelmed at the vivid rainbow. She exclaimed so all could hear, “WOW, honey, just look at that rainbow!”

Her husband, standing at distance away from her retorted, “What rainbow! There’s no rainbow! You’re seeing things again!”

The woman persisted, but her husband remained adamant as the interchange between them became rather heated.

I walked over to the couple and as I approached, their argument became muted. The woman was obviously embarrassed. It dawned on her that others had heard the heated conversation.

I addressed the husband: “Hello! Are you enjoying these beautiful sights? Isn’t this one amazing waterfall?”

He replied hesitatingly, “Well, I’ve seen bigger ones!”

I invited him to step closer to where his wife was standing so as to get a little better view. To entice him I pointed out something on the ground just adjacent to his wife. He walked with some reluctance to where I was pointing, looked down and said to me, “What? Is this some kind of joke? There’s nothing here.”

Then he looked up and saw the rainbow. Now at the same vantage point as his wife he suddenly exclaimed:”WOW! Honey, you are right! There is a fabulous rainbow!”

Turning Point

Sometimes we only need to move a few feet to see what others are seeing and experienced a turning point. All too often, we refuse to budge from our position and remain in ignorance of what is really around us. Our position depends on our disposition. The implication in view of the rainbow is “change your position” and SEE

Faith in a Nutshell

One of my friends at church was collaborating with ministers from other congregations in our area, exploring how someone can impact another person spiritually when they only have a brief moment to convey some powerful aspect of their faith. The purpose was to discover a way to equip the church family with a simple phrase that encompassed the essence of their faith in a positive non-offensive manner. The phrase or sentence needed to be very personal so that its delivery was natural, the profession convincing and hopefully inspiring further inquiry.

For want of a better term, I considered their idea in the common phrase to describe something great in as few words as possible, i.e. “in a nutshell”.

When the notion of a brief phrase was expressed to me I saw it as a challenge. I was not known for brevity in expressing deep spiritual concepts. Being trained to think like an engineer, I was detail oriented in thought and hence in expression. So “in a nutshell” was a real challenge for me.

As I considered what my faith meant to me I revisited my faith based experiences. In retroactive self-discovery, I uncovered a myriad of experiences that shaped my life. These were the turning points that changed me forever.

As an example, I recalled a moment when someone, while conversing with me about spirituality, asked me this question: “In a few words, what is the first thing that comes to your mind that benefited you by going to your church?”

Immediately I said, “I learned to revere and respect my elders.”

Asked to elaborate, I said, “As a little boy, my mother taught me to go to the front row of pews immediately when a church service was ended and greet all the elderly ladies that sat in the front row. Some of these elderly ladies were widows, and some were my relatives. In fact, one was my one and only surviving grandmother, my Oma, and another was my aunt Frieda.”

Allan

Oma

Aunt Frieda

In retrospect, I firmly believe and am convinced that this simple teaching gave me a sense of respect for my elders. This aspect of my character served me very well throughout my life. The elders who guided, coached and mentored me blessed me in uncountable ways.

Faced with the self imposed challenge of reducing the many benefits my faith afforded me over my lifetime, I set out to boil them down to as few words as possible. Numerous iterations were created and discarded for various reasons. I wanted my “nutshell” to be profound without being intimidating. I needed it to convey a powerful benefit that would inspire further investigation. I wanted it to be unique and not some typical tired old standard Christian cliché.

After working and praying over the many thoughts and notions that crossed my mind, I came up with the following as my expression of what my faith means to me in just a few words:
“My church environment has opened profound experiences with God, positively changing and enhancing my life. The resulting personal growth is my treasure and it can be for you too!”

Every entry into my church brings new understanding and new revelations. It is such that causes me to enter God’s sanctuary every chance I get.

There is a fascinating story in the Psalms that testifies to what I have found in attending church services. It is the 73rd Psalm and it tells the story of a man named Asaph.

Asaph was troubled by the fact that so many of his contemporaries were deceitful and downright evil, yet to him they seemed to prosper more than he. He became frustrated while doing his best to fulfill the laws of God and yet seemed to be unsuccessful. This weighed heavy on his soul as he lamented his case before God.

Then he had his turning point.

He confessed his misery saying, “When I tried to understand this, it was too painful for me”.

But then came the point of turning as he said, “Until I went into the Sanctuary of God; then I understood. . . .”

I can’t count the number of times I entered the sanctuary of God with the same feelings as Asaph, and left the house of God with that same sense, now I understand. With understanding came strength, comfort and peace; spiritual stamina to stay the course.

Turning Points

A simple exercise focused on an important aspect of our life can transform our awareness of aspects previously buried and out of sight and mind. Such awareness allows one to make wise decisions that will impact the future.

Reliving our life experiences has the effect of seeing our own “big picture” and making us a more grateful person. Grateful souls seem to have a blessed peace about them.

Seeing the value of the encounters we can have in the sanctuary of God brings us there time and again even when faced with various forms of resistance. Turning point moments are experienced there more than we might expect.

FRIENDS

Years ago I found myself dissatisfied with what seemed to me a lack of deeper understanding of the meaning of words we use every day in our conversation. This meant missing out on fully appreciating what we say and what we hear, underestimating meaning and losing something valuable.

One of those words was “appreciation” and I delved into it studying its fuller meaning and how it impacted me. (See my Post “Appreciation” June 2015) In that process, I gained an understanding that spread across many aspects of life.

Another one of those interesting words is “friend”. I remember mentioning to someone that they were my friend and their retort was, “You mean I am just a friend?”

What struck me was that this person did not appreciate what it meant to be considered a friend. To their understanding, a friend was something less than what I believed and understood a friend to be. I began my investigation.

I started with the dictionary and uncovered this:
Friend = one attached to another by feelings of personal regard; a well-wisher, patron or supporter; one who is on good terms with another.

A good start be still not very satisfying I went to the Bible to get a better sense of what more could be attributed to the meaning of “friend”.

In a statement by Jesus I found something quite interesting. In the Gospel of John, I read,
John 15:13-15 New King James Version (NKJV)
13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.

When Jesus made a special note to teach His disciples a meaning for being His friends, I realized that to Jesus a friend was quite special. Special to me was that He saw one as willing to give his very life for a friend! That really touched me. The very ultimate sacrifice was worthy of a friend. Jesus went further to classify those who loved and followed Him as His friends, in other words, those who He was willing to die for! He didn’t stop there when He went so far as to give them every gift from His Father that He had received.

I decided I would go even further in my study to see if there was more to be learned. It was then that I came upon a passage from the seldom read books of what is called the Apocrypha. There I found a very encompassing meaning for “friend” from what is often attributed to Solomon.

Faithful Friends are secure shelters & strong defenses;
Who finds such has found excellent treasures.
Faithful Friends are beyond price;
Their Excellency & worth more than money can buy.
Faithful Friends are elixirs, medicines for life;
Those who love & fear the Lord our God find them.
[Liberally translated/paraphrased from Ecclesiasticus 6:14-16]

When I read the phrases: “excellent treasures”, “beyond price”, “worth more than money can buy”, and “elixirs, medicines for life” I finally found satisfaction that I had embraced and understood what a true friend really meant. I also noted that in this passage, “friends” were described as “faithful” indicating that the notion of “friend” can be compromised by the evil one to create doubt and unbelief. Faithful Friends are true friends, not those who attempt to use the friendship for ulterior motives.

Turning Point

A turning point is often inspired by a sense of dissatisfaction with something we experience and one is prompted to dig beyond the obvious and search for value. It is in this search that treasures are discovered and obtained, seeming little things that become big influences on who we become. It fascinates me how such little moments guided by the Holy Spirit build in us treasures of great value.

Make-A-Wish and the Hands of God

My very dear friend Dawn’s teenage daughter Zoey was in her 22nd week battling for her life against the ravages of leukemia. The battle was intense with significant complications that accompanied the disease. Zoey was in a local hospital with seemingly endless new issues cropping up that made her condition very tentative. The struggle with the side effects of heavy and potent medications added to the pain of the numerous complications that attacked different organs and parts of her body. Zoey was such a trooper that the story of her battle reached far and wide across the globe. Greetings of hope and encouragement flowed in from everywhere. Make-A-Wish foundation, an organization that seeks to bring joy to children facing daunting and life threatening diseases and injuries, was appraised of Zoey’s battle. Zoey was asked what her wish would be.

Zoey was an avid fan of a popular TV serial program. The story was about the challenges of the survivors of a plane crash on a seemingly deserted island. Zoey was enamored with one of the actors on the program. Her wish was to have a tea party with the actor she enjoyed.

Make-a-Wish went to work contacting the actor’s agents to see if a meeting could be arranged. After some weeks of effort, his agents notified Make-A-Wish in response to their inquiry for Zoey. He was going to send a limousine to San Diego and bring Zoey and her parents to Los Angeles. Hotel arrangements were to be made and a program that included theme parks and a tea party was planned.
Dawn was contacted and told of this plan. She consulted with the doctors regarding the plan for Zoey’s Make-A-Wish trip to Los Angeles, but was given a devastating blow. The doctors said that Zoey’s condition at the time would not support such a trip; in fact, they were convinced it would be seriously detrimental to the treatment program. Zoey’s mother was facing a real dilemma. Obviously, her first consideration was to keep her daughter on a track for the best chance for recovery. But the cost, depriving Zoey of her wish was understandably troubling.

Dawn sent me a message explaining her concerns, hoping for some guidance to help her make the right decision.

My mind went back to the recent experience I had with my marine helicopter pilot. (See “The Volunteer” post October 2015) I explained to Dawn what I learned about facing such critical decisions. The best solution when decisions seem to be beyond us is to pray and put the decision into God’s hands. Then make the best decision you feel in our heart after your prayer. If it is the right decision God will support it. If it’s the wrong decision He will change things to insure you are blessed.

Dawn followed this guidance, prayed and placed it all in the hand of God. Then she made her decision. She called Make-A-Wish and advised them of Zoey’s condition. She explained the warning of the doctors and said that regretfully Zoey could not accept the generous offer from the actor. She asked them to kindly explain this to his agents and expressed her and Zoey’s sincere thanks and appreciation.

Just a few days later, Make-A-Wish contacted Zoey’s mother, explaining that they explained the situation to the actor’s agents. But the actor asked that since she could not come to Los Angeles, can he come to San Diego. When there was a positive response to his inquiry he decided that he would come to Zoey and spend some time with her at a local tea house. Dawn was thrilled and grateful. Just as we had discussed, by placing the decision in the hand of God, He changed things by touching the heart of the actor to go out of his way to fulfill the wish of a young girl battling for her life.

Shortly thereafter the actor came to San Diego and spent the afternoon with Zoey. They spoke of their love of the TV show and the intricacies of the story and plot.

The Tea House where the Make-A-Wish was realized

Afterward he remained in touch with Zoey through e-mails. The connection between them provided Zoey with a certain measure of joy as she continued her battle with the relenting disease.

Dawn shared with me the events as they unfolded. I reflected on the critical turning point that played such an important part of this experience. How God prepared me by the previous experience I had with my Marine friend moved my soul. He equipped me with the right solution for Dawn when she sought guidance. Without the deeply memorable lesson God provided me that moment months before, I would not have had the right word at just the right time. Dawn’s faith in God and His word brought about a lesson for all of us.

Turning Point

The turning point lessons God inserts into our life are never meant as a onetime blessing. God’s plan has the character of multiplying the understanding gained from turning point moments over time. I once noted to a dear friend and my spiritual mentor that he taught me to effectively commune with the Holy Spirit. When I practiced exercising a listening heart, the Spirit inspired thoughts that proved to be a blessing for me and those I had the opportunity to serve. I told him that I often received much more from my moments with the Holy Spirit than I expected. My friend wisely advised me to see myself as a well, filled by the Spirit when I was open to Him and empty of my own ideas. The concept he taught me was that the “well” would be drawn upon at just the right moment by the Spirit to make me a conduit of God’s blessing. A turning point of this story was the profound confirmation of my mentor’s wise council.

The Feather from Heaven

I travelled an extraordinary two year journey with Dawn and Zoey and their family that began when Zoey was diagnosed with leukemia. I was on vacation in New Jersey when Dawn called me to tell me of her teenage daughter’s diagnosis. The journey was one of constant prayers, conversations and faith building experiences. Those two years brought life changing experiences to all of us who were so intimately involved in Zoey’s courageous and often miraculous engagement with the complexities of her unique condition. The feather from heaven event happened at an intersection of a series of unexpected moments and turning point experiences. They continued to this day.

On August 7, 2012 Zoey passed on having courageously battled leukemia and a series of devastating complications that accompanied the disease.

On a beautiful sunny Friday morning in August shortly after Zoey’s passing, I joined her family at a cemetery for the internment of their beloved teenage daughter. I was asked to perform the graveside funeral service. During the moments just prior to the service, Zoey’s mother confided in me and shared her experience of earlier that morning.

When Zoey was still a healthy teenager, mother and daughter would walk in the mornings into their garden. Dawn led the way swiping away the spider webs that had been spun overnight along the path. Zoey was an animal lover, but spiders were the lone members of her list of bugs that she detested. Zoey loved feathers. They were simply special to her so she collected them. On this special morning when Zoey was to be laid to rest, Dawn decided to take the morning walk alone through the garden. As she swiped the webs out of her path, deep feeling for her Zoey filled her heart. Then, when she reached the end of the garden, a beautiful feather drifted down from out of nowhere. Dawn stopped and reached out for the feather. She felt as though it was a feather from heaven, Zoey saying to her, “Mother, I am all right! I love you!”

The graveside funeral service touched on the feather message from heaven and all of gathered there found a measure of comfort and peace.

At the time I was a volunteer for the Garden of Innocence, an organization dedicated to the dignified burial of abandoned babies. (Ref: www.gardenofinnocence.org and “The Garden of Innocence – God’s Plan for Me” Post of September 2015)

At one point during the Garden of Innocence services, the babies were honored as a new arrival to the Garden. This was done with the release of a white dove for the new baby and then three doves released one each for the three persons of the Trinity. After these doves were released, volunteers read the names of all the other babies previously honored in the Garden. Finally two large baskets full of white doves were opened and the air was filled with the din of flapping wings as the large group of beautiful white birds took to the air in flight.

On Saturday morning August 10th, with the experience of the previous day with Zoey on our minds, Carol and I went to the Garden of Innocence funeral service for Baby George. My part in the program of events was to lead the dove release ceremony.

The service began as usual with the Circle of Love. The Knights of Columbus in their full regalia marched up to the Garden carrying Baby George’s casket.

The casket was passed from one person to the next in a Circle of Love created by those attending the ceremony. Finally the casket was placed on a table and adorned with some flowers. Songs were offered up, a poem was read and a sermon rendered by a visiting minister. The casket was placed in the grave and rose petals were strewn into the grave by the assembled volunteers and visitors. The dove ceremony followed.

The dove ceremony was about to commence when Carol prayed and asked God if He would grant our dear Zoey to reach out to Baby George, take his hand and welcome him. She reluctantly asked too, if He agreed, to send some kind of message.

I took the microphone, introduced the dove program and said, “We now release a dove for Baby George.”

As the volunteer holding Baby George’s dove opened her hands, the dove took flight, flying around in an ever widening circle before rising up through the trees. Carol along with all those assembled watched the dove’s ascent. Suddenly, a large white feather fell from the dove and drifted earthward between the tree branches. Slowly the feather spiraled downward in a haphazard random path. The master of ceremonies was standing in the midst of the Garden and lifted her hand as if to catch it. Surprisingly, it found its way right into her outstretched hand.

Carol was astounded, as she saw this as Zoey’s message to say she was taking care of Baby George. She couldn’t contain her excitement. Before I could continue the ceremony she ran to tell me what had just transpired. She urged me to tell everyone the story. I agreed that this amazing story had to be told and right then and there.

I addressed the Garden Family and explained in detail how the big white feather that fell from Baby George’s dove had special significance. As I concluded, the master of ceremonies walked over to me and gave me the feather. She asked that I give it to Zoey’s mother in memory of Zoey’s volunteer work for the Garden’s babies.

Zoey

I continued the dove ceremony releasing doves for the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. The volunteers read the names of the 125 children already in the Garden. When the last name was read the rest of the doves were released.

The Doves Released for All the Babies in the Garden of Innocence

When the ceremony concluded, people came to me, many with tears, thanking me for sharing the awesome experience we had in the Garden that day. Then Joe, the man who provided the doves, came to me and said that it was the first time he saw a dove lose such a large feather at the Garden. Many of the volunteers who had witnessed previous funerals at the Garden reiterated Joe’s comment that such a feather display had never been seen before.

When I arrived home I immediately called Zoey’s mother and related the extraordinary events that transpired that morning in the Garden of Innocence with her daughter. I explained that I had the feather for her as a keepsake of the wonderful message from heaven from Zoey.

Throughout the rest of that day, I marveled at what lengths God had gone to give us such a profound experience. I was thrilled to have added to Dawn a measure of comfort in the wake of the loss of her daughter.

TURNING POINT:

Sometimes God decides that a miracle is in order to teach us some important message with profound consequences for our future. At the moment we experience the miracle, or an unusually strange series of events that challenge our understanding, we wonder what its purpose is and what we are to take from it. Over time, experience reveals its purpose and understanding is made complete.

The Car Challenge – A Fishing Solution

Randy got the fishing bug when he caught his first fish in the surf at the beach in Rosarita Mexico in August 1976. He was only two years old. (See “The Mexico Connection – The First Fish Turning Point, September 2015 blog post). Fishing became Randy’s passion and he seized every opportunity to go fishing.

The day after he finished middle school in June 1986, Randy went fishing with his friend Michael at Miramar Lake a few miles from our home in Mira Mesa. He was approaching thirteen years old. Later that afternoon I drove my pickup truck to the lake to pick up the boys and hear their fish stories and see the evidence of their tales.

On the way I was thinking that the dream of every young boy was to get a car or truck. When the driving age approaches, the prospect of having a car intensifies, often monopolizing every thoughtful moment. Anticipating this would soon be coursing through my son’s mind, I decided I needed to make something very clear to him. For some unknown reason I seized this time as the opportune moment to talk with him on the subject.

I rounded up the boys and their catch of cat fish and loaded their equipment into the back of the truck. We headed for home and when we came up to a red light, I initiated my planned conversation with Randy.

I said, “Randy, when you are seventeen you will want to drive. And once you have a taste of driving, you will want to have your own vehicle. I am telling you right now, I will never buy you a car. Even if I were rich, even if by then I am a millionaire, I will not buy you a car. So you need to think ahead and figure out how you are going to get the money to buy your own car.”

The next day Randy asked me if on Monday I would take him deep sea fishing like we often did during the summer months. I told him I had a big project at work and couldn’t take off until later in the month. Since I wouldn’t let him go alone he asked if I would let him and his friend Michael go on the three-quarter-day sport fishing boat. I explained that only if Michael’s mother gave her permission would I agree. The boys ran to Michael’s home to get his mother’s permission. Once that was obtained, I acquiesced and agreed to take them Monday morning to the sport fishing landing in Point Loma. Carol planned to pick the boys up later that afternoon.

Now the wheels were set in motion and Randy and Mike went to work getting their fishing gear prepared for the early morning departure. The boys checked the fishing report in the newspaper sports section and began dreaming of the fish they were going to catch. Neither of them slept much during the night as their excitement was piqued.

Monday morning dawned and I helped the boys pack their gear into my pickup truck. At 5:30 Monday morning we left for the Point Loma sportfishing landing in San Diego. We arrived at six o’clock and parked at the marina. I checked in at the office and I bought their $16 tickets for the La Jollan, a boat that would return in the late afternoon. I gave the boys some cash for lunch and snacks and walked them down the dock to the boat. With a few words of encouragement I admonished them to behave and have fun. I also reminded them that Randy’s mom volunteered to pick them up when the boat returned at about 3:30 in the afternoon.

The La Jollan at the dock

The boys had an exciting and prosperous day, the details of which I would discover later that evening. Carol arrived and found the boys and their gear along with a hefty catch of fish. They lugged all their gear and sacks of fish up the dock to the parking lot. Once it was packed into the trunk of the car they headed home.

At home, Randy and Mike got to work filleting their catch. Normally, when Randy and I would go ocean fishing, we would catch mackerel, a prolific fish with an oily flesh. Since we were not fond of eating mackerel we normally threw them back or gave them to another fisherman. This day, however, Randy kept every mackerel he caught. He filleted every one and put a couple fillets into individual plastic zip-lock bags. When he was done, he got cleaned up and went around the neighborhood with his bags of mackerel filets offering them for fifty cents each to the neighboring Filipino ladies. Before long they were all sold. The ladies told him they would buy from him again, but they preferred he sell the whole fish instead of filleted.

That evening at the dinner table, Randy shared his exciting day fishing with Carol and me.

Then he asked, “Dad, will you take me again tomorrow?”

I replied, “Randy, I do not mind taking you there, but you can’t expect me to pay $20 a day for your fishing and food every day this summer.”

Randy was ready for this and retorted, “Dad, I have the money. In fact I have $26, so I am covered!”

Curious, I inquired, “Randy, where did you get that kind of money?”

“Well Dad,” he replied, “you know that when we go fishing together, we always throw back the mackerel we catch. Well I saved all of the ones Mike and I caught and then filleted them when we got home. I put them in plastic bags and went to all the Filipino ladies in the neighborhood and sold them for 50 cents each. Now I have $26.”

I was quite impressed with his resourcefulness so I gladly supported his request. Not only did he go fishing on Tuesday, but Wednesday as well.

At the dinner table Wednesday evening, Randy asked me to call the Captain of the fishing boat. With some concern, I inquired as to the reason.

Randy said, “She wants me to work for her on the boat as a deckhand. Can I please? She said that all she needs is your approval.”

After dinner I called Gigi, the captain of the La Jollan, a 40 foot fishing boat that makes daily three-quarter-day runs to the kelp beds just off the San Diego coast. The kelp beds harbor a plethora of fish species most of which are fine eating.

As I spoke to Gigi and got all the details, I wondered why she wanted Randy to work for her, so I asked, “Why do you want my son to work for you?”

She replied, “Don’t you know what he did?”

I replied, “I know that he was on your boat these last three days and that he caught a lot of fish. But beyond that I know not what he did.”

“Well, “she said, “Let me tell you.”

Gigi explained that she took notice of Randy the very first day because he out-fished her regulars. Her regulars, she confided, were very good fishermen. She noticed too that he was courteous and respectful of the fishermen around him. Randy’s diligent care of his fishing gear was also something that created a positive impression. On the second day, she continued her vigil and was surprised when he quit fishing 15 minutes early. He cleaned up his gear and stowed it away. To her even greater surprise, Randy retrieved a bucket and nylon scrub broom and commenced to scrub down the boat! He had obviously watched the deckhands the first day and followed their lead.

Randy did the same thing the third day, Gigi explained, and she just had to get this remarkable boy on her team before the competition got him!

After discussing this with Carol and Randy, we decided to go forward and allow him to work on the boat. I called Gigi back and thrilled her with our decision.

Randy worked as a deckhand on the La Jollan until the boat retired from service in San Diego a few years later. He then was hired by another boat as his reputation apparently found its way to other boat captains at the marina.

Randy proudly displays a Calico Bass

The work of a deckhand is hard work, physically taxing, long hours and almost constant activity. Even though being a deckhand was hard work, Randy enjoyed his free time fishing. If his day off fell on a Saturday, he would entice me to join him for a day of fishing on the La Jollan.

Randy filleting fish aboard the La Jollan

One such occasion is noteworthy. We were fishing the south end of the kelp beds just south of Ballast Point. The captain alerted us that there was a large school of fish and we all got ready to drop our lines. It turned out to be a large “boil” of calico bass. Randy and I were both hauling in fish after fish.

In the midst of the catching frenzy, Randy, standing next to me said, “Dad, I’m sure glad you are keeping up with me!”

I said, “Why?”

Randy said, “Because I told everyone on the boat that you taught me all I know about fishing!”

Randy aboard the La Jollan with someone’s catch

On another occasion, Carol was picking Randy up after a day at work on the boat. She arrived about 15 minutes early and she noticed Randy doing the final clean up on the boat. When she approached, Randy asked her to stay off to the side as he didn’t want people to think that his “mother” had to pick him up.

So while she walked up the dock away from the boat, some fishermen came by and one of them asked Carol if Randy was her son.

She replied, “Yes, why do you ask?”

He said, “My friends and I were on that boat all day. Your son caught our attention by the diligent way he worked. We concluded that his father must own the boat.”

Carol assured them that his father didn’t own the boat, but thanked them for the great compliment.

A few years later, Randy was working on the Daily Double, a half-day boat that also worked the local kelp beds. Randy invited me to go fishing on the Daily Double one day when he was working. I agreed and went out on the Daily Double one Saturday morning.

I boarded the boat as the deckhands were busy with their tasks in preparation for leaving the dock and heading out to the bait barges. I wanted to stay out of the way so I climbed up to the upper deck. In the wheel house I found Fred, the Captain and introduced myself. Then he said something that really touched me.

Fred said, “As soon as we leave the dock, I want you to observe something. You will see the cook and all the deckhands, except Randy, come up to this deck, turn over a bucket, sit down and light up a smoke. Randy meanwhile will go around the main deck seeking out children and teaching them how to set their bait properly. Singlehandedly he’ll insure that every kid will have an extraordinary day fishing. During the day he’ll make sure everyone catches a fish. That’s your boy!”

Wow was I proud of my son.

Over the years, Captain Fred would share from time to time letters that he received from guests who fished on the Daily Double. These letters praised Fred and his crew for the way they treated the families and especially the kids. Some specifically named Randy, acknowledging how he took time with their children to make their fishing day an extraordinary one. One of them touched our hearts more than the others. A woman from Phoenix had promised her nephew to take him fishing after his dad had died. Her letter explained how Randy’s gracious attention to her nephew throughout the day of fishing made his day simply extraordinary. What a blessing for the young lad and his aunt.

The Daily Double off the San Diego coast

By the time Randy reached driving age, he had amassed well over $7,000 in savings from tips and income from his working days on the boats. He worked Saturdays and holidays during the school year and throughout the week during summers and school vacations.

When he turned 17, he used the funds he saved to buy a used Toyota pick-up truck. Another goal achieved through resourceful planning, execution of a wise plan and willingness to work hard. He treated that truck like a valued treasure and after a few years sold it at a nice profit. But that will be another story.

Randy’s Blue Toyota Pick-up

Randy continued working the fishing boats through his college days, building a group of lasting friendships and earning a stellar reputation for customer service and excellent fishing skills. Along the way he learned to love sushi and how to make it.

Ultimately, after he started his career in pharmaceutical cancer research, he used this experience and knowledge to serve as a part time sushi chef at a Japanese restaurant affording him extra cash and a venue for expanding his circle of friends and relationships.

TURNING POINT

Once again a challenge presented to Randy inspired him to turn his passion for fishing into a solution for achieving an important goal. His confidence that he could reach his goal was justified. He again, as with his pursuit of his first snake, was willing to make sacrifices to achieve a lofty goal. Because he earned the money to buy his truck, its value was enhanced and he subsequently treated with respect and eventually reaped the reward of its increased value.

Understanding the power parents have in issuing challenges to their children is a turning point that has great consequences.

The Ancient Art of Listening

In the early 1980’s I attended a seminar on the subject of communication. The opening moments turned out to be a significant turning point for me. The seminar facilitator began by asking all 500 participants a series of questions.

The first question: How many of you have taken a class or course in writing during your formal education? Virtually every hand was raised.

The next question: How many have taken a class or course in public speaking? About 80% raised their hands.

The final question: How many have taken a class or course in listening? Not a single hand was raised! Not one attendee admitted to taking a lesson or course in listening.

Listening is the critical component of successful communication, yet few, if any, have ever been professionally trained in this important area. Only until recently has listening become considered worthy of its own study.

I found that listening was so much more than hearing. It was a skill at processing what was heard and inspiring an appropriate thoughtful response.

My deliberations following the course caused a fine focused attention to listening skills and a purposeful effort to master mine. I looked into Holy Scripture and that revealed a biblical golden nugget for my pursuit.

I discovered that the following passage in The Message version of the Bible’s Old Testament provided fascinating perspectives on the subject of listening skills.

I highlighted what I deemed critical points to consider further and added some commentary.

1 Kings 3:4-10 The Message (MSG)
4-5 The king went to Gibeon, the most prestigious of the local shrines, to worship. He sacrificed a thousand Whole-Burnt-Offerings on that altar. That night, there in Gibeon, GOD appeared to Solomon in a dream: God said, “What can I give you? Ask.”

My thoughts at this point: We as human beings fantasize about a Genie who can offer us one or sometimes three wishes. It’s just a fantasy. There is no Genie. But God, the almighty, who can do anything, in all His power asks Solomon, “What can I give you? Ask.” What do I ask God for each morning?

6 Solomon said, “You were extravagantly generous in love with David my father, and he lived faithfully in your presence, his relationships were just and his heart right. And You have persisted in this great and generous love by giving him—and this very day!—a son to sit on his throne.
7-8 “And now here I am: GOD, my God, you have made me, your servant, ruler of the kingdom in place of David my father. I’m too young for this, a mere child! I don’t know the ropes; hardly know the ‘ins’ and ‘outs’ of this job. And here I am, set down in the middle of the people you’ve chosen, a great people—far too many to ever count.
9 “Here’s what I want: Give me a God-listening heart so I can lead your people well, discerning the difference between good and evil. For who on their own is capable of leading your glorious people?”
10-14 God, the Master, was delighted with Solomon’s response. And God said to him, “Because you have asked for this and haven’t grasped after a long life, or riches, or the doom of your enemies, but you have asked for the ability to lead and govern well, I’ll give you what you’ve asked for—I’m giving you a wise and mature heart. There’s never been one like you before; and there’ll be no one after. As a bonus, I’m giving you both the wealth and glory you didn’t ask for—there’s not a king anywhere who will come up to your mark. And if you stay on course, keeping your eye on the life-map and the God-signs as your father David did, I’ll also give you a long life.”

I found a deeper perspective from the King James Version of this text: A God-listening heart is a heart with skill to listen* to the whisper of the Holy Spirit, sent to guide me into the will of God for me and intent on making me a blessing for those who God hopes I will serve with His love. [*Note: The King James Version of the Bible has a note in the central reference column that offers a secondary interpretation of the phrase “discerning heart” as “a heart with skill to listen”.]

I learned from Solomon’s actions that if I wanted to delight the heart of God with my requests, I needed to humble myself and ask for a heart skilled in the art of listening.

Turning Point

This turning point experience inspired me to alter my prayers each day. Since then I begin each day much like Solomon, praying for a heart with skill to listen so even the whisper of the Holy Spirit could be heard. Especially at times when it was critical to hear the guidance of God, I pray this way during the day. Countless times since then, the guidance of God has brought extraordinary experiences into my life.

This turning point also prompted me to create a seminar on communication with a primary emphasis on the art of listening. I intend to offer this Communication Seminar in the future in an on-line setting.

The Snake Challenge

It was a typical San Diego day in early 1980, 73 degrees and sunny when our family experienced an unexpected turning point. I was at work and Randy was at school. Carol was at the local stores searching for the things on her shopping list for the day. Carol as a master shopper, always had a plan and a keen eye for bargains. When she was on a shopping mission, she wanted to be alone. This day, however, it was all going to change in an unexpected way.

Six year old Randy was at school and time for Carol to pick him up was fast approaching. The shopping was taking longer than expected. That meant she was going to have to accept the reality that Randy was going to be part of the final shopping activity at the local mall. Carol was not looking forward to that fact. The last thing she wanted was to take Randy shopping with her. Alas, there was no other choice.

The time arrived for Carol to get Randy at school so she placed her bags into the trunk of the car and headed for school. She arrived just in time as Randy came out the door. They hugged and got into the car. Carol told Randy that there was some more shopping to do so they were stopping at the mall on the way home. Randy didn’t make fuss, although Carol knew Randy really wanted to get home to play with his friends.

They arrived at the mall and proceeded toward Carol’s destination store. The course of the journey from the parking lot required passing a pet store. When Randy looked in the window and saw that animals were in this store he somehow persuaded his mother to go in. That was definitely not her plan and confirmation of why she didn’t take Randy shopping with her as a matter of principle.

When they entered the store, it must have been like a Disneyland for Randy. His eyes grew huge as he scanned the seemingly endless cadre of animal life in their terrariums and cages. The place was alive with the smells and sounds of myriad animal life. Dogs barking, cats meowing, birds making all manner of bird sounds and then the silence of creatures not created to make sounds. Randy dragged his mother along as they passed toads and lizards of all kinds. Then there were the aquariums housing a potpourri of tropical fish and the sounds of bubbling air oxygenating the water of every tank. Finally they reached a section that had rows of terrariums. The first few terrariums housed huge tarantula spiders. These were followed by the snakes.

Suddenly Randy’s eyes were drawn to a small terrarium that was home to a small red and tan rat snake. Immediately his longing for that snake erupted in a pleading request to his mother: “Can I have that snake? PLEEEZE!”

Red Rat Snake

Now the last thing Carol wanted was that or any other snake in her house! It was simply out of the question. But, before she came out with the flat denial that filled her thoughts, she paused and concluded she didn’t want to simply flat out deny the request. Thoughtfully and carefully Carol issued a challenge.

Thinking that the $29.95 price tag would be out of Randy’s reach for a long enough time to hopefully dispel his desire for it, she challenged with, “When you can buy it with your own money, you can have it.”

Randy responded without a fuss and off they went to the original purpose of the trip. Unknown to Carol, Randy’s mind must have been calculating, evidenced by what happened when they arrived home.

Randy made a beeline for his bedroom where his desk drawer contained a bankbook. With the bankbook in hand Randy raced to the kitchen. Presenting the book to his mother, he asked, “Please take me to the bank and withdraw the $29.95 so I can buy that snake.”

Now some fast thinking on Carol’s part had to be done. Almost without skipping a beat she retorted, “Randy, that money is for your education. Sorry, you can’t take any of it for that snake.”

Randy continued to show no disappointment. There was no crying or stamping of feet, but as later actions revealed, he quickly concocted another plan.

The next morning, Carol and I did something we almost never do, we slept in. Usually, we are up by 7 on a Saturday morning setting out to do what can’t be done during the work week. Sleeping in however was the perfect setting for the plan Randy had been hatching since the bankbook ploy failed. Suddenly at 8 there was a knock on our bedroom door.

Randy asked’ “Can I come in?”

I said, “Yes.”

Randy entered our room and held up a fist full of money with the ardent request, “Can you take me to buy that snake?”

Carol and I were shocked to say the least.

“Where did you get that money?” I demanded.

“I just ran a garage sale and I have my $29.95!” was Randy’s mater-of-fact answer.

I looked at Carol and read the dismay radiating from her face at the now inevitable reality that a snake would soon be resident in our house.

I was somewhat skeptical that a six-year-old was capable of running a garage sale. I quickly arose, got dressed and went about investigating. I went outside and surveyed the driveway and front yard. I couldn’t see any hard evidence of my son’s garage sale tale. I stepped into my empty driveway when my neighbor across the street called and waved me over.

My neighbor Gary, a retired Navy man, opened his garage door every morning, sat at his workbench and read his morning newspaper over a cup of hot coffee. It was no different this Saturday morning.

I walked across the street and greeted Gary. With a big smile on his face, he told me the rest of the garage sale story.

Gary related that he witnessed Randy opening our garage door around 6 am. He was very careful to open it very slowly so as not to make any noise that might wake us up and foil his well crafted plan. Randy proceeded to get out a large piece of cardboard from inside the garage. With a large magic marker he wrote in big letters “GARAGE SALE” and the number of our house on the cardboard. Randy then crossed the street to his friend Tommy’s house, roused him from his sleep and recruited him to give a hand with the next task in the plan. The two boys went into the backyard where they retrieved two benches from the picnic table set. One by one the boys lugged the benches and placed them in the middle of our driveway.

Two blankets from the garage were neatly placed on the benches. Randy then brought out a couple of boxes that contained some his toys. Small match-box cars, trucks, airplanes and construction machines were inspected by Randy and some were placed on the benches. These were deemed dispensable. The toys accumulated on the benches were tagged with prices on bits of masking tape and carefully arranged in groups. Cars were placed together in one area, trucks in another, airplanes and construction equipment like bulldozers and back loaders in another.

This phase completed, the boys took the garage sale sign to the end of our block and taped it to the lamp post.

At about 7 am, people began to show up. They searched the sale of toy cars, trucks and airplanes laid out on the blanket clad benches. The people saw this as a gold mine of toys as most of them were in excellent condition and the prices at 25 to 50 cents each were deemed a bargain. Gary’s curiosity got the better of him and he wandered over to survey the situation. He watched as people excitedly collected toys they wanted. They paid Randy in cash for their purchased items. Gary noted that Randy carefully counted his earnings after each sale was completed. In about an hour, Randy realized he had just what he needed for his snake. He abruptly told the few remaining buyers that the sale was over. The final few items were purchased and everyone left.

Randy and Tommy put the few unsold toys back in their storage boxes and proceeded to return everything to their original places. Lastly they removed the sign before more people would come looking for the advertised sale.

My neighbor told me how fascinated he was with the whole episode. He asked me, “What was it that motivated Randy’s extraordinary action?”

I told him, “A snake. He saw a snake at the pet store yesterday, but Carol was not too thrilled over that idea. She told him he can have it when he can buy it with his own money. Surely she never thought it would happen this fast.”

It was later that morning that we took Randy to buy his snake with his own money, just as his mother had legislated. The smile on his face as he proudly paid the cashier at the pet store was a proud moment for Carol and me.

We got used to having snakes in our house as Randy continued his fascination with these creatures. He learned to care for them and feed them. It must have been one of the things that inspired him to later pursue an education in veterinary medicine.

Randy a few years later with a Pine Snake

Turning Point

This experience is an obvious turning point for Randy, wherein he realized that if he set his mind and resources toward achieving a goal, he could do it. Additionally, if he was willing to make sacrifices, those sacrifices could make the difference between success and failure. This experience was also a turning point for Carol and me. With it we realized how powerful an influence over our son a challenge issued by his parents can be. If we had just given in and bought Randy what he so desperately wanted would have robbed him of this life changing turning point. Randy had experienced a great lesson that prepared him for the challenges his life would bring him. As parents we continued to give challenges to our son that also proved to be significant turning points for all of us.

Parents have the ability to create turning points in the lives of their children. The more aware we become of the impact of our own turning points, the more we value them, the more grateful we become and the more we can see opportunity to create them for others.

El Camino Memorial Park – The Babies

On a Saturday morning prior to our Service for the Departed in 1982, Carol, Randy and I went to El Camino Memorial Park in San Diego. We went to visit the grave of one of our church members who had been laid to rest a few days before. We wanted to be sure that the fresh grave site was clean and dignified.

As we walked through the rows of grave sites in search of our church member’s grave, we glanced upon the many grave markers with names and dates. I was particularly taken and drawn to a grave stone of a young girl of seventeen. She had been murdered. I paused and prayed for her and her grieved parents. The deep hurt of her family leaped out of the inscription on the grave stone in the words “MURDERED” and “BARELY SEVENTEEN” and it gripped my soul.

We continued on until we found the grave of our friend. We found it was neatly groomed and still had some fresh flowers on it. After some moments of prayer and contemplation we left to return home.

As we drove through the park toward the exit, Randy saw a pond with ducks swimming around. He begged me to stop and allow him to go to see the ducks. I parked the car at the edge of the road and Randy and I got out.

We walked down the sloping grounds toward the pond. After a while observing the ducks swimming around the pond I told Randy it was time to leave and we began to trudge up the hill toward the car.

As we walked I looked down and noted that the grave stones had but one solitary date. I thought how unusual that was and realized that these were all very young children, infants most of them. I stopped in my tracks as the impact of this realization touched my soul. I stood transfixed as I took in the environment around me.

There in the midst of these graves were two pine trees with low hanging boughs. Dangling in the branches were toy cars and trucks, dolls and trinkets. I paused to consider this picture and realized that these toys were attempts of sorely grieving parents seeking to reach out to their child with a gift, a sign of their love for them not stilled by their death. I had this profound feeling in that instant; that what an amazing gift God gave us in prayer. We can pray for our departed loved ones, and thereby show our love for them in the spiritual and need not rely on the material.

Years later, I revisited this Garden of Innocents and found that the trees had been removed or trimmed and the toys and trinkets removed. Surveying the scene, now different from my first visit, in my heart I hoped that the parents of the babies memorialized there have since discovered that their prayers convey their undying love as no toy or trinket could ever do.

Turning Points

The first brief moment in the garden for innocent babies served to significantly deepen my appreciation for the awesome power of prayer. Faced with helpless and hopeless feelings that surface when we are unable to help someone, the power of prayer and the knowledge that prayer changes things, situations and me, becomes a turning point, revealing this God given resource known as prayer. It can be an inspiration to practice and master prayer, pouring out our deepest emotions to the One who hears and answers and changes things for our benefit.

The Cell Phone at Church

The advent of the 2000 millennium ushered in an age of electronic devices that have become ubiquitous and a constant presence in every venue of our lives. Cell phones became “smart” and provided an amazing plethora of connectivity at the touch of a finger. These devices have come to be virtually indispensable in the minds of everyone and particularly the teenage crowd. This reality played an interesting part of an otherwise typical Sunday morning at our church.

I made my normal early morning preparations to minister the Sunday sermon at our church in El Cajon, California. Everything that day was typical for a Sunday morning as I drove to church for the morning service. It remained typical until I was a few minutes into the sermon. It was then that I noticed a teenager in the congregation leaning over intently. At second glance, I noticed he was franticly entering information into his cell phone. My initial thought was that the sermon was possibly boring to him, but then thought otherwise. The notion that maybe he was taking notes of the sermon flashed into my mind.

After the service the lad stopped to greet me. I asked him to show me his phone which he proudly did as it was new and had all the latest features. I mentioned that I noticed him taking notes during the sermon. I asked if he would kindly share them with me. I suggested he could e-mail them after he downloaded them at home.

He immediately bowed his head and, looking at his shoes, shamefully confessed that he was playing a game on his new phone with the sound muted. Noting his obvious sense of shame, I simply said, “Oh,” and changed the subject. I inquired as to how he was doing at school. We had a pleasant chat and parted with a smile a firm hand shake.

The following Sunday I again noted the same behavior from this young man. This time for some reason I did not get to greet him after service before he left with his family.

But, when I got home and checked my e-mails, I found one from him. Attached to his email was a lengthy epistle of the morning’s sermon. I was astounded as I read it. The caliber of its content, its thoroughness and completeness was quite impressive. The words revealed a detailed and thoughtful assimilation of the spirit of the sermon. I was deeply moved by how well he was able to grasp even the subtleties of the sermon’s content as well as his perspective on its application to his life.

I wrote him a glowing thank you e-mail and praised him for his willingness to share his notes with me. I noted how impressed I was at the thoughtful perspective he had and his ability to assimilate the sermon.

Turning Point

I am grateful that my first negative impression was quickly supplanted by a positive one. This simple and instant about face positioned me to guide our ensuing conversation to turn a negative to a positive result. It is amazing how catching someone doing something right and acknowledging it can prove to be a positive influence on someone. It is much more enjoyable to praise than to critique. (Refer to “simple Words -Powerful Turning Points” post)

Turning point lesson: look for the positive to turn a negative to your advantage.